Part 22: Grieving Process

(As before, Eden's message is voiced. You can listen to it here.)

: Take care of your father for me.

: I love you, Ezra. I love you both.

: It's been a few days since then.

: I normally start my days with listening to the recording she had left me. I think it helps. I can't really tell if it's motivational or if I just want to hear her again, but, well, either way...

: I'm... feeling better. I'm up and moving around. I have an appetite again. Dad and I have been talking – usually only a few sentences at a time, but it's better than it was before.

: I've been getting some decent sleep. Some days I go to bed early; some days late; other days, when I wake up, I stare at the ceiling for a little while before I move.



: Not that... I have anything to do.

: I still have no energy. I'm eating, but my meals are small; I can tell I'm hungry but I always feel like, if I had any more to eat, I wouldn't be able to keep it down. The furthest I've gone outside my house is around the block.

: Dad's been kind of the same way. Most of the time, I see him just sitting at the kitchen table and trying to read something on his codex, or he's watching something on TV, but I think he's just trying to tune the world out like I've been doing.

: I got some help to get me out of my funk; today, I'm going to try and sit down and talk with him. Try and help him the way I got help. It's going to be awkward for us both, but–



: Oh!

: Jeez, Dad, you startled me.

: ...

This is a pretty sad state of affairs for the family. The fact Ezra seems to be recovering while her dad remains in a traumatic state of grief is very upsetting. Everyone grieves differently, though.



: Yeah?

: Yeah. It's about E... Eden's, uh, procession.

: The message said that we have an option between having a full procession, or, if we wanted something smaller and more personal, we could have a 'military presence burial', where the only people in attendance are us and her commanding–



: Meaning Gabriel would be there.

: Yeah.

: I know he didn't exactly leave a good impression–

: It's okay.

: It's... getting easier. I don't hate him for it. The guy's been beating himself up enough.

: Hmm.

: The procession and the tombstone will both be here on Galilei. I haven't decided if we want a full funeral or something smaller.

: I, uh... wanted to ask you what you thought.

: Me?

: Yeah; if you wanted a smaller thing, or if you wanted to make it something...

: ...not 'bigger', exactly, but...

: ...more 'normal'.

: ...

: I was about to ask why you'd leave that to me – I'm just a kid. That's what I wanted to say. But... I'm in my mid-twenties. And it's not like this was some big surprise.

: I should probably have been ready for the question on where and how I wanted to bury my mom.

: ...

: If it helps, you'll always be a kid to me.

: I'm not sure if it does, but...

: Thanks, dad.

: I think... something smaller might be better.

: I love Mom, and she has other family and friends that would want to be a part of the official processions and all, but... well, let's be real: she's also a hero. She's one of four people on a crew that saved the entire galaxy from the Riklid.

: I don't think I'd want that kind of attention at her funeral. The news is going to get out eventually, but we don't need that when we're trying to mourn.

: I was thinking the exact same thing.

There was no option here to choose a bigger funeral, but I'm guessing the writer figured that anyone in Ezra's state of mind would want something low-key.

: ... They're going to want to hold a public service for her.



: Couldn't we ask them not to?

: We could. But we'd need to coordinate with the other families of soldiers that died on Eden's ship, and I somehow doubt every single person in four extended families is going to stay quiet about it.

: And I sort of doubt our names would stay out of the news for long anyway. Maybe the Space Force would say our names anyway. Maybe someone in the force would leak the names.

: It's a lot of attention. Lots of media coverage. Lots of stories to tell.

: Lots of money to make.

: And lots of good PR for the military, yeah. Trying to get everyone to stay quiet for our sakes would be like pushing the tides back in.

: The most we can hope for is just a quiet procession for us, as her family, and then just... waiting for it to happen and hoping it happens later rather than sooner.

: Anyway.

: I'll let them know that we want the military presence burial. We'll get that much at least.

: We'll have a few days before the funeral, so...

: ... Yeah.

: ... Hey, Dad, can I ask you something?

: What's up?

: Well, nothing, I just – I've just been meaning to talk to you, is all.

: We kinda drifted apart last week. I started rotting away in my bedroom and I only saw you once or twice a day. I just wanted to ask how you were doing.

Good on you for checking on your dad when he didn't do the same for you, Ezra.



: You took after your mother more than you took after me, you know that?

: Uh...

: I'm supposed to be the parent, here, but it's you that's asking me how I'm doing.

: Eden was that type of woman, too. She could be sick as a dog, but she always asked how we were at the end of the day.

: ... *Sigh*

: I'm doing okay, Ezra. It hurt at first. I handled it about as well as you did.

: I was so excited to come home and eat something other than that formulated toothpaste, and after our lunch at Cozy's, I wound up eating next to nothing at all for days on end. And I know you weren't much better.

: I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed next to my wife, and... I don't know if you noticed, but I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom ever since.

: ...

: It's hard, and it still hurts. I can see it in you too, Ezra.

: But I've also seen how you've been acting lately. Since around Saturday or so.

: I can see the energy coming back to you; I can see that the... the life has been coming back to your eyes. It's like you found a piece of Eden inside of you. Whatever it is you did on Saturday, I should do some of that, myself.

: And... seeing you like that makes me feel a little better, too.

: We still got a long road ahead of us. I don't know when I'll be ready to sleep in my own bed again. But... well... to answer your question: I'm doing okay.

: That's good to hear.

: I love you, Ezra.

: Love you too, Dad.

At least Nathan recognizes that he dropped the ball, here. He's the parent, and even though Ezra is over twenty, losing a father or mother is still hard on their child, especially someone who was as... let's say, stunted in social development due to the war as Ezra was.

*Time passes...*



: Am I hungry?

: No, I know I'm hungry. Even if I don't feel hungry. I should eat something. Anything at all. Just... go to the fridge and get, like, a pudding or something.

: One thing at a time. Just one thing at a time.

*The codex dings.*

: Who could that be?

: ... It's a text message from Isol.













*The codex dings again.*

: Weird that she'd rather send coordinates than just tell me where in the park she wants to meet, too. Although I guess this is easier for her fingers.

: ... Should I eat before I leave? This doesn't sound like a lunch date.

: I should probably eat something. Isol is a nutritionist; she'd give me that really sour frown if I showed up and told her I hadn't eaten at all.

: Something small, though. Knowing her, she might have packed something.

Isol seems to be just fine texting those tough letters and words, even if she can't say them. I wonder if she ever "slips up" and tries saying a word without her brain autocorrecting to a thesaurus alternative? I thought it was a pretty funny texting style to give her, too!